Tuesday, May 27, 2008

So this is awesome. I am so excited to finally feel a little more unhazey. Its been a long weird year, and I am now ready to wrote a more positive blog here. I know lots has happened in the last year with anything from the band, to having a kid from being in tabloids, its been a rocky weird road. I have experienced things I thought I would never experience. I am stoked. Its like when you finally are like, wtf, "I quit" but not like you really quit, you just decide to quit worrying about if its gonna work, but instead decide your gonna keep trying but not care, and thats because you really do care and you know that worrying about it will kill the thing you love the most, and all you can really do is try your hardest and believe in yourself. And I was so stressed that I stressed myself into a comma one day. I really did. I couldnt even walk through the house. I will not lie, I really want to make music, and thats for reals, I really do not care about fame and fortune. I am more of the type of guy that worries about getting enough resources and means to build an underground village. But I worry about the band a lot. People that know me well or that have dated me know that I am mad crazy passionate for making music. It is who I am and it is what I do. Fuck the idiots on the net. The net is full of fuckheads that wanna drag people down. Those losers are the ones that have time to write mean things. The best thing ever is getting the job done, playing shows and making someone happy for a night, REALLY HAPPY. When we played South Dakota a guy came up to me after the show and said his wife hasn't been this happy in eight years, you guys saved our relationship and that he wants us to sign all the stuff he was gonna buy. It was a great night and it felt like Mission Accomplished. I could of declaired it that night, and I might of in my mind. But it all went sour one dreaful night. The night someone made fun of my BC Roch Mockingbird. Oh no no no, that is a REAL guitar, that is my baby, thats my third in command. Oh shit, that was MINNESOTA, what a shitty time we had. First of all NO ONE WAS THERE, it was freakin empty. I knew as soon as I heard the bands names, Pimp Hand Strong, New Funk Mafia, I knew we were in for trouble. I thought Pimp Hand Strong was a metal band, but they actually turned out to be an awesome jamband with a sick as hell keyboardist. BUt New Funk Mafia was egowhack and didn't have anyone at the show at all. I mean I never have a small turn out in my hometown. This was a joke, and then they didn't even stay becasue they had work. All I gotta say is, don't quit your day job, get a good night sleep budy. Dude swears like he doesn't drink redbull anyway. I say, stay up with the band, let the out of town band play first. Sont stick them with the early slot because you couldnt get anyone to the show. And then we played last for the sound guy, the 89 year old bartender, and one dude with big glasses from Pimp Hand Strong, anf thats it. And we tried to do Stash, and it did not go down how I invisioned it. It went sount to hell. I then I was like jokingly and innocently like, dude, I am way to burnt to play this. I Pizza Q scolded me on stage in fron of the three people. He is no longer in the band. He is the one Pizza memeber that is not allowed back on the boat ever. Never. Pizza OB2 has a better chance and I caught him drinking on the toar Van and hitting on D Kamp's lady friend. It was the wordt moment in my life I was in shock. We tried to play the song again and I fucked it up een worse, I was having one of those diabeticalshut downs in which you are curling up and about to pass out and your really dizzy. And then I said I cant do it and dude scolded me again and jumped off stage yelling at me. I was nice about it, I wanted to kill him, not that I ever would, but I knew that was the start of my animosity towards him. And I really like Pizza Zzz, he is talented fun, happy, youthfull, positive, handsome, and when I saw Pizza Q annoying the shit out of him, it was not good. I then the ultimate, when Pizza Q told me ...... I have to not say cuz this is too much.

But After the tour he did not play Springfest. It was devastating, but I knew in buisness terms and for the future of the art I had to stand strong that day and not let him be in the band even if it ment he would not play the last tour. After the tour a had a few nervous semi breakdowns. But Shannon support and guidence has lead me in the right path. I have quit smoking cigerrets and i fell great. I road my Bike today and just told Pizza Zzz, "Yo, I have not found a bassist, but we shall try, but it doesn't look good at all, but we gotpizaa E for now and until Brundage and I promised him that even if we do find someone before Brundage we we still commit to him playing so we do not leave him in the dust. And I really thought we would still be looking into next year. Then I just went riding my bike and was like, who gives a fuck, if things work they work, if they dont they dont, but at least yout ry damn hard, and bever give up, never ever ever. I then Matt calls me, and we get together, he joins, he is amazing. i will talk more about it tomorrow. But what shall his pizza name be????

Monday, May 12, 2008

What should I do? Thats the big question for me. I really hope KB Smooth moves back to town. Do you think the Mayans knew something about 2012? The oil thingy is getting odd. I really think that people with the power and money either need t do something, or they already are but are not letting the poor in on it. This is what I mean, if a rich person knows what I know about the planets future, then they would already be building sustainable bunkers under ground. Underground has thermal energy, underground rivers and other water sources. The temperture stays a constant tempeture in certain areas underground. And we already have grow lights and drilling technology that makes it very realistic to get underground and have the essential light we need. If we go to War, or if we get let stranded and then a country does to us like we did to Iraq, or even worse - like what the Germans did to the Jews, or even almost worse, like what we did to the Natives, then we are sitting Ducks. What if China did not loan us money for the War? Why are they loaning us money for War? Are they getting some oil out of it too? I like some of the realistic concepts of China like only having one kid, but I do not like how they are loaning us money. I realized the problem wiht loaning money when I got my first credit card when I was 18. ...
Treypac's awake, I will be back later to tell you about my dream/nightmare. Peace

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I'm doing better. But I went to do a show yesterday with my broher Jeremy. It was cool and kinda small. I quit smoking weed. It's been 3 days. It's hard. Very hard. I try to block the demons then I fail time and time again. It's all good though. Its just my head and my world and this is my blog. I am so tired. So so so tired. I feel the pain, I feel the weight. I worry, A LOT. Like this, the world is soon to hit a crossroad with this energy crisis. You can not have such an ignorant country, state, and leaders. Are we serious? Are we not a hybrids invasive species? Americans are like scotch broom. Whats Scotch Broom???? you ask... It's a non native plant someone brought over from Europe, and now it's taking over killing native plants and poisoning the soil. But who cares? The rich do not give a shit. They care more about helping their image rather than helping some serious issues. Oprah is an expample of America's failure as a society. No one should have that much money. I can not comprehend the amount of money these people have, but then I can comprehend when we see how much money we owe China. If you a person that haas close to a Billion dollars, then you hold a shit ton of Chinas money a our debt. How come you ask? We owe China so much money, so the more money you got, the more you owe China. We all bought your DVD's and Books, and whatever else with Credit. Were does American companies get all this money to loan to us? Its pretty obvious that China wants us to get so in debt that they can make a legitimate excuse to fuck us up. Why would a country with so many poor be able to give every tax paer 600 dollars. HOw come Bush did 9 11. How come Rosie O Donnell is the only celebrity that went public on this issue? What happens when oil is gone? What happens when the world hates us and sees us as an invasive species? Where did all the Natives go? Racheal Corey stood strong. I wish I could dump my stupidity and be strong too. I wish I could build structures under ground. I will continue in the future.= with this rant. PEace

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I'm mega down now. Never felt this hopeless in years. I'm tired, scared, nervous, heavy anxiety and depressed. I'm freaked. I wish upon a star, I wish upon a dandy lion, I wish I wish I wish. It's like you think it's all good, then you realize it's not all good. What are you to do when you can not talk about what you want to talk about with the one you love the most? What I'm I to do? I just went on tour which was supposed to be awesome. It turned out to be a test on my soul and passion. Ever felt like shit before? A lot of people do feel like shit. So much confusion can drive me crazy. I do not know who to believe on all sorts of weird issues. Like whats up with 9-11? Whats up with Al Gore's movie which showed that we are all gonna die within 5 years? Whats up with War? Whats up with China loaning us money all the time? Whats with being so wasteful? Whats with trying to do the right thing and then finding out that your an egotistical shit head? I love playing music, but thats me loving music.... Does anyone else love it? should I just go back to school? should I quit the nugz, I hate cigarettes but all my friends and loved ones smoke? Are we gonna die from cigs? Am I a bad Dad? should I be tougher and being depressed is me being a bad Dad. Should I always stand strong when I feel like dying? I have a kid so I want to give him a good Dad. So why is it that I fail repeatedly? I thought it was gravy, everything looked so great! We got our first gig with a member of The Grateful Dead and now the band is falling apart.I fired the bass player for all sorts of reasons, and now I am scared. I do not want to fuck up the show I have been dreaming about for years. I missed The Trampled by Turtles show and I still can't get over it. It drives me nuts that we got in a car accident and the tour went down hill. Should I not try anymore? should I try but not overly try? I wish I could just trust everyone in the band to be there for practice and remember the shows. Do they still want to be apart of it? I love Danny Kelly and he too seems to be in a lot of similar situations as myself. I finally found my people, my community int own. So I should be on top of the world, But I feel like the world is on top of me. I wish uopn an email, I wish upon a jam, I wish I wish I wish, I try I try I try! Anyone out there with a heart, please help me. Please. I am desperate to do the right thing in life. I am scared of being gone forever, I am confused. We got this German TV show coming over to talk about an X Girlfriend that I once dated. Its the hardest pill to swallow, the only way I get the band in Magazines and TV is due to an X dating someone. I wish I wasn't so broke and then I could just move on. If I dod not do the last shitty story, which was way misleading, I would be fucked right now. I needed that $5000 just as much as almost all middle class or below Americans. I fell bad, I wish I could of done the right thing, but I am who I am, and sometimes I even get mad at myself and ask myself why!!!???? I wish my Dad was someone I could talk to, or my mom, but I can not, I do not know who to talk to, look at what Im doing now, Im writing a hail mary blog hoping for a miracle. Sorry to everyone i have hurt. Im am truly sad.